I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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