Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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