TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
