Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
