Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
