so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
