I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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