uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
