wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
