What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
