I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
