This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
