u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
