I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
did i walk over a car last night?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize