Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
