i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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