How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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