You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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