She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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