i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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