I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
