Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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