It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
