Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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