you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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