'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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