I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
