I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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