No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
