last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
