Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
