My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
