He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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