just tell him i said nine months
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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