my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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