1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
