If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize