I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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