I just made out with a guy for $7.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
