I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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