After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
