4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
