mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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