this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize