Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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