sarcasm needs its own font
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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