We're facebook friends in real life
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
