Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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