Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
