i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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