True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
