Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
