I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
