Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
