apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He kissed a someone with a penis
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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