I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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