ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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