I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
