Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
