i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
