fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
