dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
