When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
