If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
