haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
