She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
