:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
why do cheetos always look like penises
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
