What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
