STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
