I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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