I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm having to shit out rocks
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
