yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
