It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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