he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize