from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
