So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I look better un-naked...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
