Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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