well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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