is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
