He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
