dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
